Survive
by GeorgiaGirl1331
Summary: Has she made the right choice? Which brother can she survive without?


She waits patiently while she hears Stefan hang up with Caroline. He's going to meet up with her, _she_ needs to talk to him, well at least that's what Stefan tells her.

Doesn't he know that she heard every word?

Maybe he's just in the land of denial. She would know. She's a frequent visitor these days. Elena knows that he needs someone to talk to, someone to talk to about her because he can barely talk to her anymore. And she totally gets it, because he's not the person she can talk to either.

Once she hears his car start she makes her way to _his_ sacred place. The place he has holed up in for weeks, getting drunk and sleeping. She sees him almost everyday. Except he is not who she really sees. His walls are back up and he's back to being incognito.

She understands it all too well now, wishes she could do it too, but she knows that it's what he needs to do, how he copes. She hurt him, and then she died after leaving him to possibly die alone.

Only to have him come back to make sure she was okay. She saw the tears in his eyes when she woke up, she saw how much her choice had affected him and yet here he was. Staying when he should have left.

No, he wasn't the one who told her about the deal between brothers. It was Stefan, he wanted to give her a heads up in case Damon up and left one day with out any goodbye.

Rage wasn't even a good enough word to describe how Elena felt when she heard about the offer Stefan put on the table.

_"I told him I would leave if you choose him. I wanted to make sure that he would do the same if your choice was me."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because we both can't stay in this town and watch you with the other."_

_"Yes, you could Stefan. You were being selfish. Damon has watched you with me for two years now. He has stayed for me and for you. He helped save you, he came after you when Klaus had you, he's your brother for god sakes. To want him to leave is cruel."_

_"Cruel? I didn't want him to have to see us together Elena."_

_"No, you didn't want him here so my feelings for him wouldn't get in the way of us, so that I wouldn't feel more for him."_

_"Is that so wrong of me? I love you, Elena."_

_"And Damon doesn't? I think he has proven time and time again that he does."_

_"Excatly. So you want to keep him here because you want him here? He would have to see us together all the time. That's what is cruel."_

_"No! You want to talk about cruel? Not saving Damon from Rebekah, throwing his feelings for me back in his face, and leaving him to die alone. He needed me and I let him down. He's been my rock Stefan, and everything I felt is so much more intense and I can't stop feeling like this."_

_"You feel guilty?" The look of hope on his face is so beautiful and pure, but she knows she has to crush it. Because if not now, when?  
_

_"I feel so much more than guilt."_

That was what sent Stefan off to talk to Caroline. She knew her eyes gave away how she felt, she knew he could see it. She saw the hope in his eyes, and how he wanted it to be just guilt she felt for hurting Damon. A part of her wished she could just love Stefan the way she did before, but she couldn't lie anymore.

How much longer could she play this game? How much pretending can one person do?

She opens his door, and immediately she can smell him. Bourbon and expensive cologne.

Only thing is...Damon isn't there.

Of course, she figures the one night she decides to be brave he isn't here. From the looks of the trash can she assumes he went for more alcohol. So she keeps herself busy, she cleans up his bottles and blood bags, throws the bag out for the trash, and then moves to his bathroom. She only finds pants and a shirt on the floor, she doesn't even think about where his underwear are, that would lead to too many inappropriate thoughts. She throws his pants into the laundry basket and climbs in his bed with an iron hold on his shirt. His smell is so intoxicating, and she hasn't had it around her nearly enough. The only thing she didn't count on was it reducing her to tears.

She use to think he was the monster because he used, abused, and killed. Now she knows that she is the true monster. He became who he was because of all the hurt, and hatred. She forced him to be something more, used him when she needed to and threw it all away. She would have never done that to anyone else, so why did she do it to him? Her conscience screams at her. It's telling her she pushed him, wanted him to be the bad guy because it made it so much easier to pretend she didn't feel anything for him. To make excuses as to why they couldn't be.

Now she's paying for her mistakes. He took her seriously when she said she needed to let him go.

Only it happened the other way around. He let her go, she held on. She couldn't stop holding on. No matter how hard she tried.

Just as he has always done, he is doing what she has asked of him. She doesn't know if she is more proud or angry that he is being the better man at this point. She holds tightly onto his shirt and relaxes into his pillows. She closes her eyes to try and stop the tears, but they don't listen. Not much about her body listens anymore. It doesn't let her react to Stefan the way it use to, her eyes refuse to stop looking for Damon as soon as she enters a room, there are so many other things that she can't even process right now.

All she knows with a million percent certainty is that being this close to Damon, no matter how far away they really are, feels so good. It makes her still feel human, and at that thought she pauses in her own dwelling as if a light bulb went on.

_He makes her feel human._ Being around what is him reduced her to the tears she could barely shed once she turned. Was this what she did for him? Did she make him feel human again?

The truth hits her like a boulder. Of course, she remembers the look in his eyes every time he looked at her, the smiles that were only for her. She felt the inhuman amount of love he put into the kisses they shared. She had been so wrong about the loss of humanity in the eldest Salvatore. She hates that it took her this long to piece it all together.

"Elena?" He questions, closing the door behind him.

"Damon. Your back." She wipes the tears away before turning to face him.

"And you are crying on my Egyptian cotton sheets, why?"

"I am so sorry." Her voice is barely a whisper, but she knows he hears.

"I...For everything...Could we...Maybe...I should go." She panics, she looses all train of thought being so close and alone with him, she gets off the bed, leaving his shirt behind. She knows she could use her speed to get out of here, but she wants him to stop her. She knows she has to tell him so many things, but she needs to be sure that he still wants to hear them. She doesn't want him to feel second best. Not with her. Because no matter how it may have looked, she knows he was the one she counted on, the one she always inevitably turned to, and the one she knew she could trust.

"Elena! Stop!" His voice is exasperated, she expects nothing less.

She turns around, breathing an unneeded breath.

"Can we go somewhere Damon?"

"Where?"

"You drive and I'll choose."

He cringes at the word. So does she.

"Maybe you should take Stefan." He bites back. This obviously wouldn't be so easy. Then again things with them never are.

"Damon, please. I need to talk."

"I fail to see how I have to be the one that has to listen." He spits out.

"I came here because-"

"Yes, Elena, why did you _choose_ to come to my room? Cry all over my shirt, and make your tears my problem. Newsflash Elena! They aren't anymore. You don't get to do this anymore."

"I chose wrong once and I don't make a habit of making the same mistake twice."

"Don't. You let me go, remember?"

"I lied."

"Elena lies? I'm shocked!" His face is in mock horror and she has to think before she speaks because she _cannot_ mess this up.

"You know Damon, we are a lot alike."

"Not so much." He pulls his new bottle out of the bag and leans back against his headboard.

"We both lie when we feel it's convenient, we protect those we love fiercely, and we fight for what we want. We can both be selfish when we want to be."

"So your selfish now too?"

"I'm selfish with you-"

"Elena. If you _care_ about me at all you won't go any further." She crawls up on the bed and leans back next to him, she can practically hear him cringe at the word care.

"I just have to say it once, and you need to hear it."

"Ah. So that's what this is about."

"Kind of. Please, Damon. Hear me out and then I'll leave you alone if that's what you want."

"I'm supposed to trust the queen of stubborn?" He asks her like they both don't already know that she is possibly the only one he trusts.

"I think it's only fair since I trust the king of stubborn." They both smile because it's a jab back at him, it shows that they can still be them, but most of all it's the truth.

"Touche. Go on."

"You are the only aspect of my life that I am ever selfish with, and I am the only person you try not to be selfish with. We are a conundrum. We always hurt each other, but we forgive Damon. We always move past it. We are strong enough. Being loved by you Damon is extraordinary because it allows me to see the you that you refuse to show just anyone."

"What happened to the time where my love for you was clearly a problem?"

"I never meant it like that. I meant it was getting in the way, that was causing a problem. Not the fact that you loved me. Have I ever thrown it in your face before, asked you to do something because of your love for me? No. I have asked for your help, begged for it, but only because I needed you. No one else. I trust you implicitly. I knew that I could count on you. That was why I always came to you. I always need you.

"I needed you Elena! And where were you? On your way back to the guy who loves you so much he let you drown. He has super human strength, he should have saved you both. He almost drove you off a damn bridge Elena, to get back at Klaus. Do you get that? He was going to kill you for revenge! I may have threatened it, but I would have never gone through with it."

"I know. I was so focused on fixing Stefan and I because I loved him that I didn't see what was right in front of me. I wanted to have what we had before, but we aren't those people anymore. Too much has happened, too much has changed. Can I ask you something Damon?"

"Go for it." She grabs the bottle and takes a drink before asking this whopper of a question.

"Do I make you feel human?"

"I'm not."

"Doesn't matter. That's not what I'm asking."

He's looking at her so intently and she hopes he can see how much she does love him. Even if she's still scared to say it. She wants him to see that he is good enough, that some how all the bad doesn't matter. It always fades for them.

And for whatever reason he lets the walls fall. She sees the longing, the love in his eyes.

"Yes. The most human I've felt since the day I was killed, has been since you thought I was worth saving." She gasps, God has she been stupidly blind.

"You make me feel the same. I was lying here before you came back. Everything feels different now, but just being in here surrounded by everything...that is you makes me feel like I'm still Elena."

"You are still Elena." He brushes a few strands away from her face and she leans into his touch.

"You make me feel like I'm still human, and I crave that feeling. Just as much as I crave you. I need you. I thought I made the right choice, but these past months have shown me I've been nothing but wrong. I'm so sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I took so long to see that we were real. No matter what happens with us I'm ending things with Stefan."

"That's a step in the right direction."

"I thought so. I want this Damon."

"So do I." She moves onto his lap and lets her head fall to his chest. His arms hold her tight.

"It won't be easy."

"We might destroy each other."

"It's possible, but I don't think so. We save each other. That is what we do for each other Damon. We love hard and fight harder, and in the end we survive."

"We survive."


End file.
